Tracy’s Journal, pt 1
LOS ANGELES, DAY ONE
24 days on the road. Long Beach Arena, funky-ass crowd. Mike Rourke is working on a live recording, get us off for Christmas. He say we got good tape. I got a virgin before the show, blood and all. She say she was saving it for me, and there ain’t any time to give her the attention she deserve. Too bad. It didn’t seem to bother her none, off she went, with the CD with my autograph on it. I got a blast of energy off her, kept me going right through the show. We do a show tomorrow night, and then rest for a couple days.
Meetings Mon and Tues at Warners about the live album.
LA, DAY FOUR
Love came to me in L.A. Came looking for me, she says. I’m writing this as I sit on her bed. We’ve been together 4 days now. She sleeps with her thumb up near her mouth like she wants to suck it. She speaks in a light contralto, what she says comes near to raping me. She knows me so well- from my songs she says, but what she hears is the real story. Like the song, ‘Killing me Softly’ and I feel like I gave her the murder weapon. She bites her thumb when she’s thinking. She bites her lip when I do. She looks angry when she’s scared. She looks like a kid when she’s angry. I don’t know what she looks like when she’s truly frightened, Nothing frightens her, ever, nothing. In 24 hours I reached my limits I didn’t get near hers. Even Nikki will stop somewhere, I called uncle first.
Tony and I almost came to blows over her. We didn’t know that it didn’t matter, she’d already made her choice. But she took us both, just for fun, that first night. We thought it was our idea. She handed Tony over to the best woman he’s ever met, and now she’s all mine, but I think I’m hers. I call her Stella. Her name is Karen, but I never remember, and she’s nearly forgotten. I call her Stella oh god and I call her all the time. Old joke made new again. Holding her down is easy, my tongue on her clit and she can’t move. Or won’t move. She plays with my body like it’s her special toy she already knows so many of my secrets. She’s fast but she ain’t cheap. She’ll start coming before I even touch her, but to make her happy I have to die and so I do, and no faking it.
By the time we got to L.A. we were on the road nearly 4 weeks. New York was the best for sex. The girls seemed smart. Enough that you would want to take them back to the hotel. And in Dallas, the girls that came in from outside the city, some fine women. But aside from that… I was getting plenty of service but by the time you hit the Stadiums you get a different crowd, no one expects you to prove anything. Me and Tone, we got a lot to prove.
The same night I met Stella, in Long Beach, I got a virgin, no lie. I got the blood, a blast of energy that about knocked me over. A little Chicana with peroxide orange hair, too much eyeliner that didn’t hide her wanting eyes. I wish I could have done it better for her. I took as much time as I could, but a virgin’s first fuck deserves some ceremony. Not that she cared. Off she went, cocky as hell, with her autographed CD in her purse. Sometimes, I guess, Starfuckers are just born to it.
And as we were coming off the stage I got hit in the eye by a flash of light. It was coming from a girl’s earring. I saw she had dark eyes and that creamy olive skin, and her mouth was the Devil’s own shade of crimson. Her hair was hidden under a crimson hood or scarf and her black dress had slipped down one shoulder. The security assholes had penned this she-wolf in the V.I.P. lounge and I wasn’t about to go in there.
I went looking for Jerry, and found Tony already there, asking for the same thing. “Jerry, didn’t you see her in there? You gotta go get her, man, she’s it! I swear I won’t ask for anything for a week, I’ll sell you the yellow Strat, please, please, please..”
Jerry wearing one of his “that don’t fit my job description” looks. I said “Look, Jerry, She’s wearing a black velvet dress and a red scarf. Please invite her to dinner, if she’s with a suit, invite them both.” That fit his job description so he left.
Tony said “Cousin you can’t take this dame from me, I saw her first.”
I said “Look, you know I talk faster than you, so let me hook the bitch, okay? Let me have her alone in the limo. I’ll pass her on to you in the hotel, I swear.” I had to swear on my life’s blood. Well, that’s about what it cost me. Going after her was like that movie ‘Jaws’. She went after the bait like a shark and took my arm with it. “That was easy” I thought to myself- until I noticed that I was bleeding to death and she was towing me into deep water. “I should have known” was my last thought before I went under.
She showed up at the restaurant, and I ain’t ever going to forget how she walked. Kind of from the hips, like a panther, straight down the table to where Tone and me were sitting with Toffer. I gave her food in my fingers, she opened her mouth and I knew she’d open her legs too and then she went right past the strawberry and bit at my hand with a look that said “top this.” I went under the table after her legs, she’s got an ass like a black girl and those same king of heavy legs which she shows off in white stockings. And she says she didn’t know at the time but she went under my shirt and stroked my side, my lats. She raped me in 2 seconds flat. Round 1 to her.
In that instant I saw her name. Because of the earrings, and a woman in a star, a vision, and I guess me too with this tour and all. So I offered her this name, the highest ever miles above and she accepted it like fate. I could see her slip it on like a new skin, turn around in it. And when she looked up, she was Stella. And I was in over my head. I said something suave like “Baby if I can’t fuck you I’m gonna slit my wrists, dig?” She stood up and left the table. Scared the shit out of me, Tony too. He said “What you doing, Cocksucker, I’ll kill you if you lose her.” I saw she was only going to the john. Tony said “Go get her, Jeffery’s going over there he’s been watching her all night I swear I’m gonna kick his ass if he touches her.” So I went to get her. Jeffery from Visage sho nuff loitering by the door he disappeared after one look at my face and she and I ran out the back door.
That girl got a mouth to die for
She paints it the Devil’s own shade of red
She bought her lipstick in a drugstore in hell
She set her teeth in you, you’re already dead
SAN FRANCISCO
radio show went well, the DJ actually likes the Riddems, and that helped alot. Mike Rourke says some kind of foulup in the DD cords so we lost the second half of the taping. Fillmore offered us double percentages if we do one show there. No advance publicity. Might not even fill the house. I want to cause the place is where Jimi and all them played. Jerry says maybe we could call it a tax write-off for charity or something. I got me a woman. A partner in crime. Who picks out a groupie for me. What she gives she can take away.
The first thing she did in the limo was fuck my ass with her imaginary cock. And then she told me I was fearless. I wasn’t fearless, I wasn’t in control. And then she kindly allowed me to fuck her with my real cock. And then she to ld me my power vision. I was babbling words like forever and love and I realized I meant them. She didn’t believe me. But she let me say it.
My baby just rolled over in her sleep. I’m looking at her round ass with those tigery stretch marks. Her cunt brown and closed hiding all the pink. When she gets hot her lips fill up with blood till they turn purple. Women don’t usually want to hear about themselves but Stella digs it. In the car I said “Don’t put your dress back on, I dig that camisole” just to tease her and she stepped out of the limo in white silk stockings her red scarf and pumps and a sheer black camisole that was nastier than nothing. Tits ass pussy and all she was willing to parade through a crowd of everyone, worse than naked. I was dying. I dumped my coat over her shoulders and got a smile for it, but she didn’t even think about covering herself with it. Now I know how much she trusted me. I’m learning not to ask for more than I really want. Because she’ll give it to me. Stella doesn’t stop to bargain. At the time I was worried about getting the bitch to safety and feeling smug about the starfuckers I wasn’t going to have to deal with. She was my shield there. Every one of those dames took a look and stepped back. Every man who saw her stepped on their tongues.
I got her to the elevator before the riot started. Half my band and Visage went up with us. They weren’t saying a word to her face. Marco and Toffer had matching Ornamentals. Tony looked like his heart was breaking. Visage with their blondes as usual. Gina alone. She’s no freak, she won’t do it if it ain’t right. Jerry trying to keep his face straight and his dick down. He had a lady waiting for him in the coffee shop, anyways.
In my room we showered, I pulled my come out of her cunt with my fingers I wanted her to be fresh for Tony. And then I thought- Shit, she’s just the kind of dame for it and I cuffed her to the bed just before I left for the road meeting.
A lot of good news there. We’re almost sold out all the way, peripheral sales are too good. We have to order another run on the tour T shirts. It’s incredible. I’m a star. The album is platinum, our debts are covered, the Company loves us.
There are three empty seats on the bus taking us to San Francisco. I put in for Stella in case I could get her to come. It won’t surprise you to hear that the mention of her broke up the meeting. Karl with his drumsticks on the table “Jungle Drums.” The Visage dudes talking trash. Toffer Woolcutt’s dreadlocks were flying all over the place. Jeffery said “Brother, you gonna pass her on?” and I thought I was gonna have to pull Tony off him. There was some severe words for a minute. We got it established that she’s private property and Jerry called the meeting back to order. But Tony started in after the whole thing quieted down, about how I best not try to keep her for myself. I said he’d get his piece. “But what, I can hear you saying but something.” he says.
“But you can’t handle her.” Well, Tony can handle any dame born. But that’s my job too, and this dame handled me. “She’s just too freaky for you, bro.” Now he’s really mad. He saw her first I’m a lying cocksucker.
I started riffing on the cocksucker theme and got him laughing. Every one goofing, even Tony thinks I’m joking. But Stella, she knew. Man, s he knew right away. And then Gina spoke up, told everyone to leave their hound mouths off Tracy’s new dame. Said she wasn’t no slut. How does she know? I asked her why this dame rated.”You gave her your coat, didn’t you? so she rates. Or did she just take it? ’cause she’d rate that way, too.” She said “That woman can get you through your bad times.” Homegirl. You just never know with her.
The band chased me back to my room. I sure didn’t want them to see her, I got in through the tiniest crack. She was still latched to the bed. Looked like she’d been fighting it. Looked like she’d been digging it, too.
I wasn’t planning on touching her again till Tony got his share, but she was calling the shots even chained to the bed. I didn’t dare take my pants off, I’d h „ave been on top of her in a minute. I couldn’t believe how needy she was, like I hadn’t just done her a half hour before. Rolling on the bed, demanding my attention. I gave it to her with my mouth until she screamed and even then she was ready for more. I started to think maybe no one could handle her. And Tony with his ear to the wall. If I didn’t get him in he would kill me. She was gonna kill me if I didn’t get some help. So I popped the question. She didn’t understand at first. She said “I’m down for anything, but if you ask me to pull a train I’m gone from here.” I believed her. I changed the script, I said “We can’t live without you baby, we want to do it all for you” Romance and shit but when I said “We’ll be your slaves” that’s what hooked her. I felt electricity just jump off her skin. I got her to speak consent. I would have liked to get it in writing.
I went for Tone, he was τn some pain. “What you doing, man? She ain’t gonna have any juice left in her at all.” I said “Man, I just went down on her and she went like that. She’s begging for more, right now, go see if you can slow her down any, cause I can’t.”
He said “I’m gonna shove it in that mouth, man, I can’t wait.”
I said Better serve her pussy first, or she’ll bite it right off.” and then I said “Show her some respect, Tone.”
He said “Respect? Trace, I’m gonna worship her.” Surprised me, from Stud Tony. He went in and lasted about 2 minutes. That’s not true, I’m joking. I waited till I was sure they’d be engaged before I went in. His black body shining with sweat. Pumping her slow. One creamy arm over his shoulder. What a beautiful sight. And her straight red hair mixed with his curly conk. Her voice filling the room like a heater, calling his name, oh yeah, she wanted this from the start we just thought it was our idea.
On my knees looking through the footboard at her cunt wrapped all around his big black thing. How she hangs on to him. I could have climbed right through that footboard, got my face in there. Done something that Tony wouldn’t be able to pretend away, heh, heh. He pulled out got under her. I never seen Tone give it up like that, like a woman, spreading his legs for her. Stud Tony rolling on the bed like a little freak. Time to lose the shackles they were cramping her style. I climbed aboard, I could feel it through her skin. I always thought it was my imagination, Stella says it’s real. Galvanic response, she calls it. I could feel satisfaction filling her like water in a sponge. And him under her mouth crying like a May virgin. That’s what she wants, my Stella. She wants total surrender. Give her that she’ll give you everything. Tone knew somehow. I should have known.
You walk this earth looking for the souls that hear your call. Sometimes, you just stop calling. You get so used to the de af ears around you, you walk right past the one that heard. Lonely voice; “Did you say something?” Shit, what? I’m hearing things, damn! She came looking for me, she told me so. About then I began to realize what she meant. When he spewed into her mouth I casually waited a decent length of time so no one would suspect when I kissed her that I was hunting for him and she gave him to me on her tongue. Her brown eyes staring into mine to see how I would take it. I wised up. I let her see what it meant to me. She acted like men tell her their most awful secrets every day of the week. After that it all got liquid. Nothing feels so healing as skin on skin. Three weeks of wham bam and Tony and I were feeling deprived. She says Japan is sensory deprivation time, too. She was there two months, still hungry. We all just soaked in each other. She was a link for us a bridge. He meant it when he said he was gonna worship her, he was all over her. I followed his lead. She took everything we could give her and poured it it on us even sweeter. It was her gift to us both- somehow she made Tony drop his fences. I could touch him feel his hands on me, the heat of his body as we worked on her. She says she assumed we always did it like that. I’ll never be satisfied with anything less, ever again.
After awhile she got bored with bliss and went sniffing for blood. Tony’s gift to me. He taught her how to tease me. Hanging onto her from behind, whispering in her ear. Telling her how to do me. He must have known. Tony the Freak was gonna live one night. In the morning hello Stud Tony again. Stella came looking for the freak who wrote the songs. He wasn’t willing to be that for her sake. Now me, I can whore. If getting her off gets me the payoff I’ll do it. If I have to open my legs like a dame, crawl after her like a dog with my leash in my mouth, lord knows that’s easy for me, no trouble at all. How many women have told me kindly but firmly to cut out the hysterics. Stella requires it. She sure don’t mind it sweet. But she’d rather hear me beg. I can beg her into a frenzy. Until she screams for help. And then I can fuck her into a state of surrender. Total surrender, that’s all she wants. Doesn’t have to be mine, could be hers. I saw her give it up to herself the next morning. After we’d all fucked ourselves to a pulp there was still one lover she had to take care of.
After I stopped the Tease, Tony said “You want it front and back?” She smiled like victory. But I couldn’t see her taking that cock of his up her ass and I wanted to see her face so I said no. She bent over for him her face in my lap. By that time she’d forgotten I even had a dick. Tony getting down to business at the other end of her spine. Back like that painting woman as cello. Tony’s all man again but there’s still a little freak in him. Enough to make him dance a little. It breaks my heart to see all that love denied. I talked her crazy, I talked her screaming. Tone coming to the home stretch. My gift to her. If she’s gonna be mine she won’t be seeing Tony in full glory too often so I pulled her off him, got her turned around so she could see how his face fills up with light when he comes. Some of his dames see it, not all. Stella said “Saint Anthony” of course she’d see it. Tony came so hard into her I thought he was gonna break his back or hers.
She looked like she was going to claim him as her territory. I had to show her I could do the studly thing too. I gave her the pump. Sloppy seconds. She was so stretched out from taking him I thought I missed the hole everything so hot and wet. Hunting for her hot spot. When I hit it I felt her cunt clamp down so tight around me like you couldn’t get a finger in without hurting her. Shut your eyes and think of your dead grandma. I didn’t, actually. I thought about her, Stella, my new woman. I thought about nothing. I thought about my cock which was about to crack apart with the sexy sounds she was making.
Tony half asleep half sitting on the bouncing bed looking like he’d leave if he had the strength. And then her voice saying “Come in my cunt.” She says “Tracy I can’t take it any more.” Victory was mine so I let loose. And then I lost it. Fire flood and freight train. It kicked my ass, I couldn’t even tell if it hurt or not. Just the way she likes it. Well in victory, surrender. I could see it in her eyes, she loves me. How could she not, half of me was in there with her. Tony made one more try but his heart wasn’t really in it. He doesn’t really want a woman who’s gonna get the last word more often than not, after all. He got under the covers, in my bed, with me and my woman. Stella and Tony. I was in bliss, in heaven. I love the bastard so much, just to see him unlock a little. Stella did it.
Stella, I know you’re gonna read this someday. I wrote down all the shit that got talked about you in those first days. Will you understand? It was love, from the very first. When you walked into the restaurant, if you heard Tony you would have walked right back out, you would have been shocked. But maybe not. He was worshiping you, maybe you w ould have known that. You must know. I know you dig controversy, your stunts prove that. Maybe you dig the way men talk, I wouldn’t be surprised now that I think of it.
When I’m with you You let me
Do all those things they say I shouldn’t do.
I can be me Honey you free me
I’m a better man when it’s we two
I woke up first, called for breakfast. Ha ha it was lunch time. I ordered breakfast for lunch. Tony was going out the door when I got out of the shower. My cock felt like a dead thing, soaping up, and Tony was limping, swear to god. I had to laugh and her sleeping so innocent, with her thumb almost in her mouth, and she didn’t wake until room service came in. I got her to say “I love you.” That gave me the right to say hands off Tony, and she served him up to the best dame he’ll ever know.
But first she had some business to take care of. She marched to the shower, got all alone. I was in the bathroom too but she didn’t know. All the splashing noises stopped just the shower running unchanging, my ear hears t hings like that, I can’t help it. I saw her through the bubbly glass, just standing there, I opened the door and saw the real thing. Hunched over, belly slack. Leaning her head on the wall, one leg up. She worked it so hard. No moans no dance. Direct communication, herself to herself. Water spraying everywhere, and me in my leather pants that can’t get wet. I couldn’t look away. It was so intensely private I felt like I’d violated her by even being in the same suite.
We never show ourselves in that way, we arch our backs, point our toes a little. I’ve never seen a woman look like that I’ll probably never see it again. It wasn’t sexy, there was no reason for it to be sexy. But then she saw me. Watching her body come back to life seeing another person there. Communication again. Fear in her face, or something like it- defiance. That was pretty fucking sexy. Frozen with her hand in her cunt. Still as death, but different somehow, in quality, and because we’re new lovers, a flicker in her eyes. Saying “What are you gonna do with this, sucker? Scare me a little, I dare you.” And then she tried to spray me with the water. The moment passed. I wanted breakfast anyway. But when I said something about it, dogging her, that same look in her eyes. and like a flash she K.O’s me with Tony. “I was remembering how you sucked his come out of my mouth.” The only time, the only dame who ever just knew. I told Nicollette, but Stella knew.
She called a girlfriend for Tony. I snuck up, and heard her say she’d kill Alegra if she touched me. Shiver down my back. I asked her did she fight for her men, and Oh, lord. Scary side of her showed for a minute. Sitting over me, hand up to slap me down. Tony was in the room, I had to hide it. Stella. How did Gina know?
Next thing she takes me out of my clothes and puts me in jeans. Demoting me to just a little short nigger so we can go safely into her hood. Stella’s pad, I love it there. My Chicago apartment ain’t got that much sun. She’s gonna come do my crib bring the sun in for me. It came complete with a guardian angel, Alegra. She rocked Tony’s world. If they stay together she’s gonna turn him around. Just like I never saw him be a freak before Stella I never heard him be a poet before Alegra. He knows all the pretty lines and he digs to use them. But he talked about how Alegra had wings on her back and he talked so good we all could see it. So it was easy to call her Angel. It works, anyway. And I can’t look at that beautiful girl without seeing their shadow over her head. She acts like a lady. The band all respect Stella but you know what Tracy’s women are like. Angel they’ve given their hearts to, even the guys in Visage ain’t got a word against her. Karl don’t approve of Stella but he don’t approve of any one who ain’t a musician. Alegra he approves of. He would lay his life on the line for her. That’s what she rates.
Stella said that her and Alegra took on three men and a vibrator one time and she still looked like an innocent child at play quote unquote. She says I’ll see Alegra in action one of these days, she won’t keep her hands off me for long. That worries me I don’t want her to lose Tony I want her to stick to him. In the meantime we spy on them, Stella and her nose for blood. I guess I have to share that I can’t blame her for everything. I heard it while we were goofing off in her backyard where there is a little lawn to roll on and a big old avocado tree and flowers. And us peeking through her bedroom window. Alegra wailing on the bed Tony standing between her legs. Stella feeling every pump of that dick right along with the girl who was getting it. I just got so hot watching them and seeing her get turned on too. Tony did his dying saint act and she showed me to the avocado tree. I thought it was gonna be sweet. I thought of shepherds and milkmaids as I tenderly helped her out of her clothes and she sweetly lay back against the tree. I thought about cowherds and goosegirls as I pulled my pants down and got between her legs. And she said coyly “No, I don’t want to.”
What was this? The little Make Me look in the shower? No. She put her hand over her cunt and she said “Beg for it, Tracy Bell.”
I’m on my knees in the dust under that tree. At her feet before I know it. Six inches from her cunt, held back as surely as if I were chained. The words pouring out of me at her command. “Yes, that’s right” she said “Talk to me Tracy.” Sucking it out of me draining my will. Nicollette needs leather to pull me down, Stella sees it as her right. It seems like the natural order of things to her that I should be at her feet. She likes it the other way, too. I begged for it, I pleaded cried cursed. Her cunt so hot I could feel it on my face. Her fingers deep inside. No fooling around here, my nonsense has real meaning to this girl. Cream running out of her pussy like a flood.
Do you really want power over me Stella? Because I’ll give it to you, unlimited. After that little scene I know you can take me over. You had me chained down with no chains the words you made me say felt like blows of the whip on my skin. Stella at last said “Help me I can’t do it myself” I heard it as my old command “Pleasure me slave” a release from agony. Her cunt feels so hot it burns me. She said “That’s right you bitch. Fuck me like you say you can” She says she meant three years of hearing my songs. She figured I was writing about her the whole time. Maybe she’s right. Stella help me keep my promises. And I’ll make new ones to you baby, I know that with you I’ll be promising thing I never thought of before.
She screamed like a banshee when I came, when I came! Mine set her off. The neighbors didn’t call the the cops, the sun went on shining. In surrender, victory. Love in her eyes, in her touch. And then she apologized for dragging me into her fantasies. She was fulfilling all of mine, didn’t she know? I told her a little about Nikki. I used the word slave and her cunt clamped down on me. Total surrender, hers or mine.
She wrote herself raped. I found her journals, ten twelve in the stack. I pulled an early one. She wrote herself as two people, a boy and a girl, lovers, and she made up a whole gang of friends for them to have sex with and fall in and out of love with and never be lonely. No wonder “Candy Hearts” hooked her. Same thing, same loneliness.
She wasn’t really all that lonely she says. A lot of that sex really happened. It’s full of fag sex, three boys who love each other, the girl with the guys. She hung with fags she says. That’s where she learned about men and how to do them. But I know about that kind of loneliness. Me and Tony, we’d doublefuck any girl that would lie down for us. But I wanted to get into the same hole with him, and I wanted to rub off, cock to cock, belly to belly like the boys Stella wrote about. I wanted the girl to call two more girls and another dude. I wanted a lot more skin than I ever got. Loneliness.
Stella wrote it all down in a blue notebook. I wrote a song that went double gold.
In her book, Buick, the girl, gets raped in the bathroom of a nightclub, by a rockstar. It’s a real nightclub, a real roc kstar, but it never happened. How could I tell? I know. I know me, I know her. It works both ways. Sometimes. But Stella made reality happen. Little hints and little silences, and by and by everyone knew about it. Even the guy who didn’t actually do it copped to it. He was glad to hear that she wasn’t angry anymore. He was proud to be known in connection with such a beautiful girl, if you ask me. Stella I did it too. Every six months I get a royalty check for a song that I wrote about the imaginary sex life of my imaginary friends. Stella I’m writing this journal to you. It’s my confession.
Gina got raped last night, our first night in Houston. Me and Toffer brawled and got the three guys out of her room. Today men are her enemy. I sent Britta in to stay with her. If she leaves the band will fall apart. She’s an engineering genius. Meanwhile Stella can fantasize about it, and get behind the reality some too. That’s pretty wierd, when you think about it.
Stella it’s been a week since I saw you last. I deal with all the daily shit of equipment and roadies , promo spots and morals committees and money. I write autographs untill the pen falls out of my hand. Four weeks to go.
I ain’t fucking anybody. There ain’t been a single starfucker who’s gotten that lucky. Except for Alegra and Britta, no one’s been back to my room with me since you left. Alegra is Tony’s woman and I ain’t putting my dick in Britta.
I want to write down everything we did in those first few days. I read your journal, I thought I could arrange for another of your fantasies to come true.
We got to the coliseum a little late. Had to wait while the girls got issued their laminates. I made Stella wait in my room while the press were in the halls. She poleaxed Britta, the dyke. Tony had Alegra by his side like a security blanket. He said “Give me your room man, I gotta do her.” He needed it bad, his eyes were rolling.
Energy vampires. The bigger the audience the worse you need it. Stella knew all about that, too, as I learned. She’s done it herself, fucked somebody’s assistant before a big shoot. Someone goes to sleep, someone else sparkles.
I gave Tony my room, but I still needed my fix. I took her down the hall. In her story an eyewitness saw her give it up. I didn’t want anyone from Visage they dog women as it is. My brother Morris Day was in their room, though. Stella is making it clear she is hands of f, and on the other side I’m saying how I gotta fuck her right now in the hall and I need a lookout. You know how he laughs, it chills your blood to hear. Jerome valeted us out the room like a king and a queen but once we got outside I pushed her up against the wall. For once she wasn’t expecting it. That velvet dress is so tight on her hips. I managed not to rip it pulling it up. Exposing her. Green satin panties, the kind meant to be seen. She put up the token fight “No Tracy not here” panting already. She knew why Jerome was there, to watch the show, so she gave one, but it was all real, she was creaming before I got my fingers in. Pulled her panties over leaving one cheek hanging out doing it a little brutal that scare me look in her eyes. I pulled energy out with my fingers and realized she knew exactly what I was doing to her. She said “Stop you’re taking it all.” And she knew exactly why too and she let me do it. I saw her look up at the noise above us like she knew we didn’t have a lot of time. A pro. Pushing her up against the wall with my shoulder. Making her squat on my hand just a little bit. Making her beg for mercy. She was good at it. Her eyes getting wide and sweet and scared. And closing. I said “Look at me” I said “Spread your legs bitch.” Glad to obey. A little humiliation can be sweet after a day of worship, huh, Stella? I took from her till I could feel the electricity was gone from her skin, like a car battery gone dead. She sat down on the floor when I let her go. I was gonna give her back some of her juice, by coming into her mouth, but I was still raping her so I said it like “Blow me.” Her down on the floor where I’d put her, her clothes pulled around her eyes half shut. Begging for mercy, she learned how from me. It looked like I shoved it down her throat but it was her hungry mouth that pulled me in. I must have sucked in a lot of her bitchiness. I didn’t give her anything back, after all, I said I needed blue balls to do my best work. Glint in her eyes, there. She couldn’t stand up. Jerome picked her up like a rag doll while I straightened her panties and pulled her dress around. He carried her back to my room like a baby. I was so late. I kissed her and left her in his hands. I sent Alegra to see her I said she’d passed out. We hit the stage me with my cock like a rock my balls turning blue. I felt fine. I had my woman in my veins and ten thousand people at my feet, Stella would have loved it. Too bad she wasn’t there. The sensible thing to do is eat and go to sleep. I would wake her like Prince Charming with an electric kiss of love, after the show. That’s what I thought. She was up before the end of the first set gladdening my heart every time I looked off the stage. Her and Alegra, both in black and red, looking happy as teenyboppers.
And then I went for my costume change. Little Britta looked a little scared when I came in. I was full of love for the whole world. I said; “Do you like my Stella, baby?” First she said nothing. Then she said “Don’t be angry Tracy?” I laughed. Britta doesn’t have anything to make me angry about. She does her job, we don’t connect, except for the dames we both go after once in a while. Well, that’s what happened. She said in a rush “Stella made love with me but please don’t be angry I didn’t do it?”
My first thought was I’ll fire the bitch. Not the dyke, Stella. I can’t fire Stella. How dare she mess with my employees. I tried to get calm. “Did you dig it?” “Oh, yes. She is very good for women. So long an orgasm…”
I gave her happy looks like you give a kid. “I’m glad you dig her, she likes pretty girls.” Well, if she does, it was only because this particular pretty girl was gonna come to me with the tale. Stella told me, she don’t dig Britta’s type. Someone handy to rob, that’s all. It could have been Jerome, but she was true to me in that regard. Well, I asked for it. “I bet you just tore each other’s clothes off and kissed each other all over” I said, sounding like a world-class fool.
She thought it was cute. “No” she giggled. “She did not take her clothes off. She said it was too hard to get back on, her dress. I said I’m a dresser, I’ll help you, but she said she could not wait, she was too hungry, this is an American expression?”
I giggled too, between my teeth. The poor little cooze had no idea. Stupid little hippie. I said “Everything she knows she learned from me” Trying to preserve some shred of authority. Britta said “That’s what she said.She said I could learn from you too.”
Stella in that black velvet, crouched over that pink body like a panther with her kill. And me in the corner with my throat torn out, waiting my turn. Britta tucked my shirt in I figured I’d better zip my own fly. I went out to kill Stella. She said “Are you angry?” I was screaming into her face. She said “Good, I’m glad, you little turd. The next time you try a stunt like that I’ll rip your bowels out, understand?”
No. She put her hands on my shoulders massaging the sore spots. She said “Bring them to their knees, Tracy Bell.” Her gift to me her power. I could fuck the world. My balls my guitar, my cock was my mike, I was God. I fucked 10,000 people senseless, but I couldn’t shove it to Stella. She sat in every shadow, licking the blood off her lips. I highly recommend it if you’re looking for a new sensation. Fast track to a heart attack. Not really, I felt so good in that set, I had two hundred percent to give and some left over.
I grabbed my girl coming off the stage and chased her to the dressing room Britta ducked and ran. Stella got me out of my soaking wet clothes and I realized I’d been carrying a hard-on for more than two hours. That’s what you get for being greedy. I said “Baby take it back, I can’t hold it any longer, it hurts it hurts it hurts” Just the way she likes it. She said “Come to Momma” I shot into her mouth as soon as she opened it and it did hurt. The word she used was shriek I say I screamed. A gag would have come in handy. I bit my arm. She says she swallowed twice, and then she poured another mouthful into my mouth and made me give up yet more of my body’s fluids.
There I was, naked under that black velvet panther. Ten minutes till encore, they’re yelling for me in the hall. I got into the shower, she went to find my dresser. they had 4 minutes to get me dressed. Stella looked so tired I felt so tired. We looked at each other and gave up. I gave up, anyway. I said “Let’s got back to your crib and learn to be friends.” And she said “Sure, Tracy Bell” as if I were the boss. Sure, Stella, I’m the boss. I’m gonna put my foot down, too. As soon as I can get up off the floor. As soon as I can get you under control. Sure.
But I did show you a place where I could be the boss. didn’t I Stella? I talked with her about her money. She doesn’t know a thing about it. I got her to call her agent to get a statement of accounts. I talked to my management about a financial advisor for her. Relationships come and go but a trust fund is forever. It’s gonna take time to prove to her I can last. In the meantime this is how I can take care of her. I don’t know how to prove I’m serious, and she still thinks I’m just a freak. She says no one takes her seriously, either. My crew do. I made sure of that.
I wanted to ditch the dinner after and go straight to her crib, but you can’t do that in Los Angeles where the Gods of Money reside. And besides Morris and Jerome were going to be there and I had to clear up an erroneous impression they might have gotten. Not to mention Visage who must have heard all about it. Morris looked surprised when he saw us together. He doesn’t know sincere face up, but he knows women don’t let themselves be treated like sluts. But he doesn’t know Stella.
Tony wants to know why Morris is looking like Stella might be for rent. Stella thinks that’s funny. She exits for the powder room, and everyone in the room watches her ass all the way- a long walk. Stops by Morris’ table to tell him she has the situation in hand. He gave it a hell of a try. She told him that she owns my soul. She said she knew he wouldn’t be willing to pay the price for her.
And Stella we’re on the plane to Cleveland and I keep remembering and remembering because by that time it was the truth. You told me you were just smarting off, but you told me that so I wouldn’t know you knew. You came back to the table like that Red Hot Riding Hood cartoon and it was the easies t thing in the world to fall at your feet and kiss them. You stood like a goddess and took my worship like you knew it was coming. Toffer all goofing ’cause he don’t know I slammed you in the hall. And Morris is beginning to understand. I got a partner in crime he can’t touch.And I saw how by the end of the week how you rated with Visage and they would hang and just talk to you, with respect and now they say they miss you. I miss you.
That was one day, 24 hours. Can you believe it? We lived about a lifetime in one day.
We had three days in L.A. after that. Tony and Angel disappeared, except for the meetings and stuff. He’d come in to Warner’s with that girl on his arm and jaws would hit the floor. Some exec at the record offices tried to hire her as his ha ha secretary. Tone took her shopping on Melrose and Rodeo Drive. I took Stella shopping, but not much. The best thing I’ll ever see her in is that black velvet dress, and she says she got it at a thrift store. We’ll take it to a tailor and have it copied. I bet she’ll burn, in dark red. I bought shoes for her, and lingerie to decorate her body with. She took me to some music stores, picked up a nice vintage Fender. I left it at her house, but maybe my dad will dig on it. I opened an account for her and her sister at an art store, and that made her cry. We were putting canvas into her old white jeep and she turned around and started crying in my arms, I’ll always treasure that. She didn’t cry over Versace. So I made her paint a picture for me. And we fucked and talked. She talks almost more than me, and dirty. She let her sister have a try at me. In a hammock, in her mom’s back yard. Her sister is beautiful, taller than Stella. Eyes like Brooke Shields, walks like an aristocrat fucks like a rabbit. But she don’t have Stella’s heat and she don’t have that mean streak. Good thing I met you first, baby.
